


COOL

by artificialmac



Series: Blue Neighborhood [6]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Developing Friendships, Drug Use, Eventual Fluff, Family Issues, Fluff, Friendship, Marijuana, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:42:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24758752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmac/pseuds/artificialmac
Summary: In the aftermath of their night of revenge, Rock struggles to find where she fits in.
Relationships: Jaida Essence Hall/Jan Sport
Series: Blue Neighborhood [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708849
Comments: 12
Kudos: 26





	COOL

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks as always to Meggie. Who is an angel on earth. I love her to death.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this little character study on Rock. Lemme know what you thought!

Monday morning brought the news: vandalism, several thousand dollars worth of property damage, a ruined reputation, and speculation.

The most obvious suspect, Heidi, had an alibi. The photos Widow had taken were time-stamped and location tagged. There was no trail for anyone to follow.

They had gotten away with it.

That should have made Rock feel better. 

It didn’t. 

And besides a few more names and faces in the hall, the night didn’t do much for Rock socially. She had thought, maybe foolishly, that some good old fashioned illegal activity might finally be the push she needed to make some friends. As it was, she was still eating her lunch alone in the old prop room above the theatre.

But she had her anime and her videogames and her ability to tune out the world around her.

She propped her phone up and clicked on the next episode of My Hero Academia. It was her third time watching it through, and she knew the episodes by heart now. But the familiarity offered her comfort in an otherwise hectic day.

Rock was so absorbed in the show that she almost missed the crash on the stage below her. Almost. 

She clambered up on unsteady feet, heart pumping in her ears as she walked out of the stuffy prop room and onto the platform directly above the stage. She looked down and was shocked to see two familiar faces strolling through the prop trees that made up the set, giggling like children. 

“Don’t break that!” Jan scolded, though her words lacked bite.

“I didn’t see it!” Jaida said, crossing her arms defensively.

“You’re so tall you can’t see anything below your knees, huh?” Jan teased. “Well, I guess we can’t all be future D-1 athletes.”

Jaida started to grab at Jan, who narrowly avoided her grasp. The two girls fell into another round of giggles. This time they both ducked their heads away, unable to keep eye contact. 

Rock observed them warily, hair prickling on the back of her neck at how familiar this scene seemed. She should go, should leave the two alone, and allow them to get up to whatever they came here for, but something kept her rooted in her spot. Morbid curiosity.

When they settled down and color was high on both of their cheeks, Jan motioned to the audience widely. “Are you gonna shut up and let me do my thing or what?” 

Jaida held her hands up in mock surrender, shit-eating grin still etched into her features, as she made her way into the first row of seats, spreading out her long limbs goofily, flopping around in an effort to make Jan smile. 

Jan held back, but the joy still shone in her eyes.

She tried to steady herself, inhaling deeply, before beginning to sing. 

Rock didn’t recognize the song, but she found that it didn’t really matter, the tone of Jan’s voice conveyed everything she needed to know. The notes drifted up into the rafters, settling high above the singer and melding to the ceiling. The emotion hung in the air. Sadness, self-reflection, loss. It plucked at Rock’s heartstrings more than she cared to admit.

She wasn’t the only one.

Jaida sat in the audience, previous sloppy posture made up now, back ramrod straight, eyes wide. 

As the song came to an end, Jan gave a silly bow. Jadia smiled so bright Rock could make it out from where she was standing. The loud clapping echoed in the empty auditorium and Jan giggled as Jaida approached the stage, eyes still wide in amazement.

“I can’t believe you didn’t get the lead.” Jaida shook her head.

Jan sat down on the edge of the stage, her legs hanging off the side. “It just wasn’t meant to be, I guess.” She shrugged.

“Well, you’re amazing.” Jaida grinned. “But I agree,” she paused, “you sound much better on stage than in your backyard.” 

Jan laughed, throwing her head back in abject joy, long strawberry blonde hair tumbling down her back and shaking along with her shoulders. Rock hadn’t seen her this happy in what felt like forever. She seemed lighter somehow. Freer. 

When the two locked eyes again, something different passed between them, Rock had only a second to process before Jan leaned in to close the distance between her and Jaida.

The kiss lasted only a second before Jan pulled back. She was clearly shocked by her own actions, Rock could tell, because a split second later she was standing up on wobbly legs and running toward the exit of the auditorium.

Jadia was left to stare at the empty space she left.

Rock planned to leave. To exit quiet and daintily and pretend like she saw nothing. God clearly had other plans because as she began to tiptoe back the way she had come, her hand missed the railing, causing her to stumble and cry out before catching herself.

“Fuck!” Jaida yelled in shock, jumping about six feet in the air.

She shielded her eyes as she looked up into the bright stage lights. “Jesus, Rock,” Jaida exhaled. “The fuck are you doing up there?”

Rock blushed head to toe. “Oh, ya know, eating lunch.”

Jaida put her hands on her hips. “So… You saw that, huh?” She motioned to the space where Jan had stood.

Rock nodded hesitantly, unsure of what the correct answer was. Jaida pursed her lips and ran a hand through her dark hair.

“Can we, uh, keep this between us?”

Rock didn’t need prompting. She nodded once, firmly. Jaida offered her a weak smile in return before heading the way in which Jan had run off. 

Rock’s head was spinning. She didn’t keep up much with school gossip, finding it confusing at best and defamatory at worst, but you didn’t need to be nosy to know about the infamous red truck photo. The school had gone wild a few weeks back, speculation circling in every social circle. The conclusion had been that Eastview’s ‘it’ girl, Jan, had been getting it on with the varsity basketball captain. Everyone had accepted it as fact, and, not feeling the need to question it, Rock had believed it too. 

But based on the scared, and quite frankly, disgusted reaction Jan just had... Rock suddenly felt the need to sit down as realization dawned on her: Jan wasn’t the one in the picture. 

And that opened a whole other can of worms.

Rock sighed. She really needed to find a new place to eat lunch.

* * *

Rock coughed out a cloud of smoke. 

She heard murmurs from her companions, some judgmental, others bored. She did her best to ignore them as she raised the contraption to her lips again, and someone leaned over with a lighter.

The weed burned her. Throat and nose alight with a smell that felt like it was filling the space between her brain and her skull. She didn’t cough this time, which she counted as a victory, and she passed the bong to her right.

Widow encouraged her. “That was good! Usually newbies cough for like an hour.”

Rock just nodded, if she opened her mouth to speak she knew she would cough. She held it in, content for now to hold her breath and wait the feeling out. She took the time to admire her new position, even if it was just for the day. 

After not so subtly mentioning her social predicament in the group chat, Widow had been among the first to offer her an alternative.

Rock found that she actually used the group chat that was formed after their night of shenanigans a lot more than she thought; every now and then she shared funny videos she found or had a sidebar conversation with Jackie about their statistics class. Some of the other girls used it frequently too, with Crystal and Heidi being the most vocal. The cheerleaders mostly kept to themselves, but would react to conversations with an emoji or two. Even Widow chimed in every now and then with a biting comment or a response to someone’s question. 

Rock felt lucky her self-deprecating joke was answered at all, let alone by three separate people.

For now though, she just thanked the stars that she got to spend more time with Widow. After their night of illegal activity, Rock had been itching to learn more about the mysterious older girl. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt drawn to her presence. 

Rock tried to relax as Widow’s friends settled into easy conversation.

The outside air was welcome on her heated skin; the fall breeze dancing up and down her legs, feet against the brick of the shed. They were still on school property, which caused a bit of underlying panic in Rock’s gut, but her companions seemed unbothered and had clearly been doing this often enough to not be nervous. 

They were far from the school, Rock reasoned, the long-abandoned athletic shed being located just a stone's throw away from the already distant baseball field. There was virtually no way they would get caught. Still. 

The bong made the rounds again and Rock hit it twice more, only coughing a bit on the second exhale.

She didn’t start to feel the effects until a bit later. At first, she couldn’t even tell, her mind already thrumming with nerves, but as her heartbeat slowed in her chest and her thoughts began to calm she felt an unfamiliar wave of weight fall off her. Before long her head felt hazy and light and she was smiling widely, giggling at the blades of grass jumping, dipping, and turning in the wind.

Widow smiled encouragingly at her and said something that Rock didn’t hear. The older girl waited patiently until Rock made eye contact before repeating herself.

“We gotta get back,” she said. “Class starts soon.”

Rock nodded, but it made her head dizzy so she stopped. Widow extended a hand, and Rock took it gratefully, doing her best to appear unfazed by the sudden movement upward. She must have failed because Widow’s eyes suddenly looked concerned. 

“You okay, Roxy?” she asked genuinely. 

Rock nodded. “Yeah, I just…” She trailed off. 

She just what? What? Wat? Water. She needed water. 

She let Widow lead her to the school, all the while doing her best to fight the heaviness of her eyes. They made it inside with a few minutes to spare, minutes Rock gratefully took to guzzle water from the fountain. 

Widow rubbed her back in slow circles, reminding her to breathe and to take it slow. As the bell chimed above them, Rock felt her stomach flip unpleasantly. The echo of the noise bounced around in her head, and she suddenly didn’t feel so good. 

She lied through her teeth when Widow asked her again if she was okay. Rock didn’t want to be a bother. She had already been enough of a burden by smoking Widow and her friend’s good weed and now she was keeping Widow from class. Rock shook her head and did her best to assure her that she would be fine. Widow only left after getting Rock to pinky promise she would text her if anything went wrong. 

Rock practically sunk into her seat in her next class. Her head felt light but her eyes felt heavy and the weird combination of sensations was doing a number on her thoughts. As their teacher began to pass out test grades Widow’s words echoed in her head, “don’t freak yourself out or your trip can get real bad.”

Easier said than done.

It felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on her head, as Rock saw yet _another_ bright red D on her test.

 _Fuck._

Her parents were gonna kill her. 

Not because they really cared a lot about her grades, but because it meant they’d have to come into the school and have another useless talk with her teachers about her performance. 

Rock’s parents were… busy. From the time she could comprehend the word, that’s what her parents had been. Busy with work, busy with social engagements, busy with things that a silly little girl would never understand. Busy. And that had been fine. It meant that Rock didn’t have a bedtime, could order from her favorite pizza place every night, could not do her homework for weeks at a time. But Rock quickly learned that she’d really rather have parents than the freedom to fall into a sugar coma every night.

Her parents were busy. They didn’t have time to cook dinner or clean the house or, well, parent. Rock had taken on that responsibility, helping her little sisters to bed, making sure they got their homework done on time, packing their lunches for them. She did her best, learned to cook, how to drive, and how to head a house, but she still fell short a lot of the time. 

Especially when it came to her own needs. 

And because she never really had a strong family structure, Rock had become self-sufficient to the point of isolation. Maybe that’s why it was so hard for her to make friends, not that she had much time to dedicate to outside relationships anyway. Still. It would be nice to not have to go it alone all the time.

All of a sudden the room started spinning, as opposed to the calm relaxing way it had been moments ago. This time it was a violent thrashing instead of a gentle rocking, and Rock felt herself gripping her desk in an attempt to slow it down. The people around her started staring, she could hear their whispers without straining her ear. 

But what really got to Rock was when the person behind her tapped her lightly on the shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her seat, banging her knee forcefully on the desk instead. 

“Woah, sorry!” The guy apologized, but his words felt like they were delayed with his mouth and she could practically feel them hitting her skin, and Rock _needed_ to get out of here now.

She stood up to the best of her abilities and sprinted out into the empty hallway. The whipping motion of her head as she desperately searched for the nearest bathroom only made her dizzier. The nearest women’s restroom was blissfully empty, and Rock wasted no time before dousing her face in water, her makeup be damned. She scrubbed and scrubbed at her skin, the only action that made her feel like her body was her own. 

When Rock felt steady enough, she made the brave decision to sit on the grimy bathroom floor near the window unit until she felt better. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head against them for an immeasurable amount of time. Girls entered and exited the bathroom, but Rock paid them no mind.

After a while, when the world stopped spinning, and she felt more like herself, she stood up. She glanced down at her phone to see three notifications from Widow.

W: _you still feeling ok?_   
W: _you should have lunch with us again_   
W: _everybody really liked having you_

Rock declined politely.

* * *

Lunch with Brita, Gigi, and Jan didn’t go much better.

Gigi had thrown out the offer after Crystal and Widow. It was half-baked at best, Rock knew. She still went, willing to give the whole experience a chance. The night of the revenge plot the cheerleaders hadn’t seemed _so_ bad. Maybe a little stuck up, but ultimately harmless. 

Rock quickly found that her assessment had been correct. They were harmless. Harmless and boring.

Jan spent the whole period practically mute, picking at her lunch with a fork. Rock couldn’t help but wonder if Jaida had mentioned her presence that day in the theatre. By the way Jan was refusing to make eye contact with her, not even deigning to smile, Rock was pretty sure it had come up. 

Brita was too involved in texting whoever and ignoring the puppy dog eyes from her boyfriend to notice Rock’s appearance. Gigi was sulking, but attempting to make light conversation with Rock.

“So… uh, you going to Homecoming?” Gigi asked.

Rock shook her head. “Nah, gotta babysit my little sisters.”

“Oh.”

It was mostly true. She always had to look after her little sisters. But mainly she wasn’t going because she had no one to go with. And as much as Rock was perfectly fine on her own, she had no desire to be reminded of it for an entire night. 

“Well, Jackie and I are going together,” Gigi said. “As friends,” she quickly corrected. 

Gigi glanced over at a still quiet Jan, something strange passing behind her eyes and sneaking into her tone. “And we aren’t sure yet if Jan is taking anybody, but she’s riding with us.” 

Jan glanced up at her name and offered Gigi a weak smile.

“So if you change your mind and need a ride, we got you.” Gigi smiled. “I mean, we all live next to each other.” Gigi gave a weak laugh at a joke she didn’t make.

This had been a mistake. 

Rock didn’t consider herself to be incredibly exciting, but the sheer lack of personality coming from the table made her feel sucked dry of any creativity and will to live. Rock mentally patted herself on the back. She had given it a go with the popular kids, young Rock would be proud to see her sitting with a bunch of cheerleaders. Finally socially important. 

She could tell Gigi meant well, and no offense to her, but Rock would literally rather get hit by whatever insufferable party bus the girls had no doubt rented than go to Homecoming with their group.

But Rock just smiled and nodded politely. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

* * *

When she attempted to eat with Crystal, Heidi, Aiden, Jackie, and Nicky things went a little better.

Crystal welcomed her with a warm smile and even walked with her arm in arm to the art room where they ate. She sat on the tabletop and the two went through and traded food like they were in grade school again. Crystal gawked at how good Rock’s fried monkfish and coriander sauce tasted, and Rock hid a blush at the compliment to her cooking. 

As Aiden and Heidi filtered in they each gave Rock a smile and a polite wave, before delving into another one of their nonsensical arguments. Rock tried to follow their logic but got lost halfway through and just settled for looking at Crystal with raised eyebrows.

“They always do that.” Crystal rolled her eyes at the two.

Jackie entered a few minutes later and joined in on the argument. Crystal and Rock just sat back and enjoyed the added layer of entertainment. 

“Jacks always uses big words that neither of them knows and then they fight about that too,” Crystal whispered, eyes alight with mischief. 

Rock giggled at the statement as she saw it play out before her very eyes.

All of a sudden Crystal’s posture changed, her previous relaxed shoulders suddenly upright and attentive. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why. 

Rock wasn’t immune to the charms of women, having chosen not to label her sexuality just yet, but knowing a good looking woman when she saw one.

And Nicky was good looking. Her beauty only rivaled by her impeccable fashion sense. It was kind of unfair, really. 

Crystal coughed awkwardly as Nicky made her way over to the two.

“Hello, Roxanne,” Nicky greeted as she sat next to her. 

The extra beat of silence as Nicky didn’t greet Crystal rang out pointedly. 

“How have you been?” Nicky directed her question to Rock, who stumbled out some form of an answer.

“Fine. Good. Fine. I’ve been… good.”

Nicky smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Good.”

After another ten or so minutes of pointed silence, Rock excused herself, the art room suddenly feeling less freeing and more restrictive with the added tension. She let herself out the big metal doors that lead directly from the art room to the outside, let herself breathe in and out once before completely breaking down.

Four years of buildup released itself in gasping breaths and a stream of tears. 

She was a senior in high school—a damn _senior_ —and she had no friends, no life, and no plans for the future. She had missed out on football games and sleepovers and trips to the mall and parties and all the things that high school movies drill into you from the time you can talk that make the whole four years worth living. 

Rock had missed it all. She had been too exhausted or too bored or too… busy.

_Fuck._

She was just like her parents.

And wasn’t that just a kick to her already wounded pride. 

Rock heard footsteps approaching the door so she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and plastered on a fake smile for who she assumed to be Crystal.

She was shocked to find Nicky looking at her concerned, a carton of cigarettes half out of her back pocket. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

The two stared at each other for a moment.

“Sorry, did you want to be alone?” Nicky asked genuinely.

“No, no,” Rock shook her head. “It’s totally fine.”

Nicky looked awkwardly at her feet and then awkwardly at the cigarette box in her hand.   
“You want one?” She offered.

Rock looked at the package doubtfully and shook her head. “Thanks though.”

Nicky nodded and pulled out a bright red lighter, flicking it open and holding the cigarette to her parted lips. Rock watched her, fascinated by the way she effortlessly held the smoke in her lungs, then exhaled just as gracefully. 

“So… You are a fan of _Death Note_?” Nicky asked, blowing out a small cloud of smoke.

Rock looked up at her words. 

“You have a Ryuk sticker on your laptop,” Nicky explained. “He is Ryuk here, yes?”

Rock nodded, shock still evident on her features. “Oh, y-yeah,” she stammered out. “It’s one of my favorites.”

Nicky smiled, easy and effortless. “Me too.” 

“You…”

Nicky rolled her eyes. “Yes, I like anime. Why is that so hard for people to understand?”

Rock ran a hand nervously at her neck. “Well, you look like _that_.” She motioned to Nicky’s frankly editorial outfit of a black turtleneck tucked into copper pants, nude platforms, and minimal gold jewelry accentuating her model-like posture.

Nicky quirked an eyebrow up as she exhaled another cloud of smoke. “And you look like that. I do not see a difference.”

“Yeah, okay.” Rock scoffed and rolled her eyes. “You watched anything good recently?”

Nicky didn’t hide the way her eyes lit up, and Rock felt her stomach twist in anticipation. 

“Okay, I know it’s taboo,” Nicky worried her lip between her teeth, nervous energy suddenly rolling off her in waves, “but _RWBY_ is really good,” Nicky rushed out.

“You did NOT just say that to me!” Rock exclaimed, doing her best to hide a smile at Nicky’s defensive expression. “The animation—”

Nicky cut her off, free hand expressively gesturing. “—it’s shit, I know, but it gets better!” 

Rock shook her head disapprovingly, barely biting back a laugh at this point.

“And there are lesbians!” Nicky added animatedly. “Well, they aren’t confirmed yet,” she conceded, “but they will be!”

Rock continued to shake her head. “How dare you say you like anime!”

Nicky looked at her hard, but the underlying tone of abject joy still rang out clearly. “Listen, bitch, I watched all of _Attack on Titan and_ read the manga. I paid my dues, let me enjoy this.”

Rock couldn’t help the raucous laughter that escaped her. Nicky joined her moments later, the two smiling all the while.

“Okay, okay, fine.” Rock held her hands up in surrender. 

Nicky smiled widely. 

It was a good look on her. 

Rock winced as she put out the cigarette with her expensive-looking heel. 

When the two made eye contact again, something different swam in Nicky’s cool blue orbs. “Crystal will kill me if she knows I’ve been smoking.”

Rock nodded, a sudden understanding of the situation dawning. “Your secret is safe with me,” she promised.

Nicky offered her a weak smile, before allowing her face to reform into the pristine, confident force of nature she always was. She nodded her head to the art room door and Rock smiled in response.

And Rock allowed the brief thought to cross her mind. 

_Maybe she hadn’t entirely missed out._


End file.
